Homesickness- Expert Advice

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Homesickness — Expert Advice for Parents

This summer, millions of children will get their first taste of independence at a summer resident camp. For many, it will also be their first experience with homesickness. But parents don't have to feel helpless when homesickness strikes. The prescription for camper homesickness is a simple solution of preparation and patience.

Phillips Exeter Academy psychologist Dr. Christopher Thurber studied homesickness in 329 boys between the ages of 8 and 16 at resident camp. According to his results, homesickness is the norm rather than the exception. A whopping 83 percent of the campers studied reported homesickness on at least one day of camp.

Thurber and the American Camp Association (ACA) suggest the following tips for parents to help their child deal with homesickness at camp:

* Encourage your child's independence throughout the year. Practice separations, such as sleepovers at a friend's house, can simulate the camp environment.
* Involve your child in the process of choosing a camp. The more that the child owns the decision, the more comfortable the child will feel being at camp.
* Discuss what camp will be like before your child leaves. Consider role-playing anticipated situations, such as using a flashlight to find the bathroom.
* Reach an agreement ahead of time on calling each other. If your child's camp has a no-phone-calls policy, honor it.
* Send a note or care package ahead of time to arrive the first day of camp. Acknowledge, in a positive way, that you will miss your child. For example, you can say "I am going to miss you, but I know that you will have a good time at camp."
* Don't bribe. Linking a successful stay at camp to a material object sends the wrong message. The reward should be your child's new found confidence and independence.
* Pack a personal item from home, such as a stuffed animal.
* When a "rescue call" comes from the child, offer calm reassurance and put the time frame into perspective. Avoid the temptation to take the child home early.
* Talk candidly with the camp director to obtain his/her perspective on your child's adjustment.
* Don't feel guilty about encouraging your child to stay at camp. For many children, camp is a first step toward independence and plays an important role in their growth and development.
* Trust your instincts. While most incidents of homesickness will pass in a day or two, Thurber's research shows that approximately seven percent of the cases are severe. If your child is not eating or sleeping because of anxiety or depression, it is time to go home. However, don't make your child feel like a failure if their stay at camp is cut short. Focus on the positive and encourage your child to try camp again next year.

For More Information on Homesickness — Expert Advice for Parents

This "ACA Resource for Families" article was reproduced with permission from the American Camping Association.

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American Camp Association
5000 State Road 67 North
Martinsville, IN 46151-7902
Map to ACA
Phone: [phone]
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Web: www.ACAcamps.org
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life.familyeducation.com/summer-camp/anxiety/36348.html
Talking About Homesickness
by Dr. Susan Linn

FOR AGES: Six and up


THE SCENE

Ten-year-old Emma has something on her mind. Instead of eating, she pushes her food around listlessly. Finally it comes out. "Do I have to go to camp?" she says. "What if I get homesick?"

Going to overnight camp is a rite of passage for millions of children each summer. A well-run camp can provide kids with a marvelous experience, but most campers will still have homesick moments. It's not at all surprising that children leaving home for the first time might get pre-camp jitters.

The Words You Need

The Words: "Everyone gets nervous when they go to camp for the first time."

The Reason: It's helpful for children to know that they're not alone in their fears, and that what they're experiencing is normal.

The Words: "Can you tell me what worries you about camp?"

The Reason: Some children worry about missing family, friends, or even their pets. Others worry about making friends. Kids might worry about being teased for all sorts of reasons -- from sleeping with a stuffed animal to bed-wetting. Once you know children's specific concerns, you can help them come up with strategies for coping.

The Words: "I know you're worried now, but remember how excited you were when you decided to go? It seems like a great place for you."

The Reason: As you acknowledge your children's anxiety, help them try to put it in perspective. Looking through the camp brochure again and talking about what the camp has to offer can be reassuring.

The Words: "Camp might be hard at first, but it should get easier and more fun each day. Remember how it took some time to make friends when school first started?"

The Reason: When children face a challenge, it's important to acknowledge that they are doing something hard. Remind them of their specific strengths (i.e., a good sense of humor, compassion, or leadership qualities) that have helped them cope with new situations before.

The Words: "I can call the camp ahead of time and find out how they help kids who are homesick."

The Reason: Some children might feel better if they know ahead of time what resources are available for homesick campers. Even if your child isn't expressing concerns, it's still a good idea to talk with camp personnel. Finding out how a camp deals with this can give you a good sense of its attitude toward providing emotional support for campers.

The Words: "Let's talk about the things you can do in case you get homesick."

The Reason: You and your child can brainstorm about strategies for coping. A favorite counselor, other staff, or a good friend all can be supports and confidants for your kids. Keeping busy, writing letters to family and friends, and actively engaging in life at camp are good strategies, too. Some kids might want to bring pictures from home, a favorite stuffed animal, or a blanket to help them feel comforted and connected.

The Words: "I bet you'll have a great time. But if something happens that worries or upsets you, and you feel that you can't talk with a grownup at camp, write to me about it and I'll help you."

The Reason: You can still be a resource for your child even if you're separated. Encourage your child to use letter-writing as a way to stay in touch and to get support. Some parents mail notes or cards ahead of time so that their children receive them when mail is first distributed.

If you're leaving the country or are going to be inaccessible for some period of time, let your children know the details of where and when you're going and what adults will be available in your absence. Keep sending letters and postcards wherever you are!

The Words: "Maybe you can talk to friends who've been to camp about what they did when they were homesick."

The Reason: Talking to peers about strategies for coping can be useful. It's especially helpful to talk with kids who've been to the same camp -- not just about being homesick, but about their whole camp experience.

The Words: "I remember being homesick at first when I went to camp for the first time, but I ended up having a wonderful time."

The Reason: Talking honestly about your own experiences at camp is a good way to help children feel comfortable with the range of emotions, or ambivalence, they are feeling about leaving.

The Words: "Remember that I love you and care about you even when you're not with me."

The Reason: It's always important to remind children that they're loved and that being loved is something they carry with them wherever they go.

Beyond Words

Here are some suggestions for helping them make the transition successfully:

# Often children going away for the first time feel better if they go to camp with a friend from home.

# Upheaval at home, such as sickness, divorce, a new sibling, or an impending move, can make the transition to camp harder. In these cases, it's important to work with the camp staff to provide extra supports as they are needed.

# Find out the camp policies on mail, phone calls, and visiting days for parents so that you can help your child prepare for the summer.

# Children may become more clingy or irritable as their departure date approaches. It's helpful to give them extra cuddling or support as they need it.

# Never tease a child about homesickness.

# It's probably best to be accessible when your child goes off to camp for the first time. If a child is terribly homesick for a long period of time and wants to come home, some camps will call parents and arrange for the camper to leave. Knowing your child and talking to camp personnel will help you assess whether it's best for a child to stay or go.

life.familyeducation.com/summer-camp/anxiety/36475.html
Homesick Campers
by Carleton Kendrick Ed.M., LCSW

Should they start packing?
When should homesick children leave residential summer camp and return home? This decision is usually a tough call for parents. Some homesick feelings are common to most campers, even kids who've camped before. Young first-timers often have trouble dealing with family separation-anxieties and fears. Adolescent campers may miss their girlfriends and boyfriends back home.

Camp should not be considered an emotional ordeal or rite of passage that must be endured, but the experience does foster resilience when children show themselves to be capable of coping with and recovering from homesickness at camp.

Your child may ask you to take her home at any time during her camp experience. She may want to come home within the first few days of her stay, simply because she misses the stability of her home and family. She might want to leave immediately after an unpleasant social incident or because she is the "only" child in her bunk who hasn't made a best buddy within the first week. There are also those moments at bedtime when kids predictably feel more sad and homesick than usual, even after a great day at camp.

When talking about instances like these with your child, empathize with her, encourage her to talk about what's going well at camp, and ask her to "hang in there" for a couple of days, as you enlist the help of the camp's director, counseling staff, and counselors. Parents should discuss how a camp director handles homesickness when selecting summer camps for your child. Avoid camps where directors communicate an insensitive, tough-it-out attitude toward homesickness.

When it's time to come home The intensity and frequency of your child's homesickness are the two key variables to consider when determining whether to take her home. If the following behaviors persist for several consecutive days despite your coordinated best efforts with the camp's director, I would seriously consider taking your child home from camp:

# Isolating herself from and/or avoiding contact with her peers.

# Repeatedly declining invitations from staff and fellow campers to participate in any camp activities.

# Daily talk about running away or wanting to go home.

# A sad demeanor that is present throughout the day and evening.

# No positive responses to counselors' attempts to help her form friendships or participate in camp activities.

When a camp director calls to ask you to take your child home, camp officials believe that they have exhausted their efforts to make this a good experience for your child. If you receive such a call, it's time to bring your child home.

If you do take your homesick child home from camp, don't shame her. She will already be dealing with guilt and embarrassment about leaving camp. Tell her that you understand why she didn't like camp, emphasizing that camp isn't an experience that all kids enjoy. She shouldn't be told that she's a "baby," that she wasted your money, that she disappointed you, or that she ruined your summer plans with your spouse. Start soliciting ideas from her and offering your own suggestions as to how she can enjoy the remainder of her summer vacation. Both of you need to remember that there's life beyond summer camp.

life.familyeducation.com/summer-camp/anxiety/36301.html
Quick Cures for Homesick Kids
by Dr. Susan Linn

Being away at camp isn't the only time that children can get homesick. Overnight visits to relatives and friends can also be a challenge, especially for young children. Here are some tips to help your children handle homesickness -- no matter where they are.

# Whenever your kids leave home, make sure they know when they're coming back, and who's going to be taking care of them.

# Accentuate the positive aspects of their trip, but let kids know that it's okay to have mixed feelings. You can be excited about something and scared about it at the same time.

# Stay in touch by letter, phone, or email.

# Nighttime is often the hardest for kids away from home. A favorite stuffed animal, blanket, pillow, or audio tape can be a comfort.

# For young children, who have trouble conceptualizing time passing, it is helpful to send them with a calendar that allows them to cross off the days that they're away.

# Talk with your child's hosts about what he or she likes to eat, and what the routines and rules are in your house around bedtime, meals, snacks, and television. Variations may not be a problem, but this helps children prepare for the similarities and differences.

# When children visit relatives or grown-up friends, let them know which adults will be available to listen and help them with problems. Tell kids that you've checked with the adults ahead of time to make sure that this is okay.

Sometimes kids aren't ready to leave home. If you sense that your child is really having a terrible time away -- and it's possible for him or her to come home -- it's okay to end the visit. Never berate kids or make them feel like a failure for being homesick. When your kids complete a visit away from home successfully, praise them for being able to do it, especially if they were nervous about it before they left.